just looked at the date since my last post. could it possibly be 4 months since i last blogged? ugh! i've missed it terribly.
i'm not sure how the rest of you have handled this winter but smolen nation struggled. it's been a long winter. and long winters drain me. leave me dull. the sunshine the past 24 hours has revived my little soul.
i try and emotionally prep every fall for the winter. i don't enjoy the cold winter months. and call me a big bah hum bug but i'm not even a fan of of the christmas season. maybe it's the commercialism or the schedule that feels like it's jacked up on steroids or the fact that i don't think Jesus was even actually born on december 25th. the gray skies leave me with a blue heart. the flip flops by the front door get replaced by boots and scattered gloves. i miss days of throwing up a wet swimsuit in the laundry room to dry and begrudgingly find myself washing loads and loads of jeans and sweatshirts.
on top of that, i am still in the midst of a 2 months fever that will not let my body go. 2 months of chills and nightsweats and fatigue. 2 months of doctor visits and tests and procedures that i'm not very fond of. it's been that kind of winter.
my kids have felt it too. i believe i have broken up more fights between them in the last 10 weeks than i have in any other stretch of their lives. oh, they love each other deeply but they are falling a little short in liking one another very much these days. they need sunshine. they need to run the neighborhood with their friends. they need spring break, the return of popscicles, bike riding, and laying outside on a quilt reading a book. smolen nation is just wired that way.
i gotta admit, though, i learned some good life lessons during the months of cold. i just much prefer learning them with the warmth of sun bearing down on my face and freckled shoulders. i have this awful tendency (as demonstrated in the previous paragraphs) of longing for something else ahead when i feel frozen or caught in a spot or season that i want out of. i can even almost romanticize of what else could be instead of wrapping my arms fully around what's in front of me.
so i worked hard this winter at staying present. tried to see what God was teaching me. kept reminding myself that walking through uninspiring seasons and finding beauty in God's purposes is much better than trying to go around, under, or over them. i saw that sometimes the very best thing you can do is to simply nail your feet to the ground and refuse to budge on all that you believe. seriously, there's always this tendency in us that when things get uncomfortable we need to manufacture a change so that life can become more fulfilling or exciting. a new job. new friends. new clothes. new church. different kids. a more understanding spouse. i learned this winter that there is no true joy in disengaging on the life that God has entrusted to me.
i just have to have the eyes to see it.
