momma bear

i had one of those "moments" this past weekend. an ugly moment, i might add. didn't see it coming.

we headed up to purdue to visit jeff's family and watch the purdue football season opener. j, the kids, and i were joined at the game by j's sister, brother-in-law and the majority of their kiddos.

we were sitting in the stands watching the halftime show. it was 9/11 (which still feels like a kick in the stomach everytime that day rolls around) and the band was performing a special presentation in remembrance of those who lost their lives. there was a moment of silence and as things really quieted down a man yelled at my son to take his hat off.

it was very quiet in the stands. the man's voice was very loud. my son felt very small.

i, like most, agree that it is a sign of respect to take your hat off. matt was sitting away from me in the middle of his siblings and cousins and had he been next to me i would've gently nudged him to take the hat off.

however, as i looked over at my son i could see him melting. embarrassment, tears, and head hung low.

and inside me rose a horrible anger. everything inside of me wanted to turn around to that man and go off on him like a ninja monkey. no "what would Jesus do" kinda thinking. no rationale left in that head of mine. it was overtaken with a protective nature that i can't quite explain.

after the half-time show was over, i turned around to the man and asked him to explain to my son why he had yelled at him (i have to confess there was definitely an edginess to my tone). he was taken aback but to his credit, he did speak to him. i wanted him to recognize that he had spoken harshly to a kid and that his words mattered and made an impact.

matt was still crushed and ended up leaving the game with his uncle and aunt. anger was boiling over me. i had about 20 different conversations in my head of all the things i wanted to say to this man....but i didn't. j could feel the heat coming off of me. you could've fried an egg on my forehead. momma bear had been stirred. as the game went on, the anger slipped away and i was left wondering what in world that huge wave of emotions was about.

i'm glad i didn't go off on the guy because i would be regretting it now. but i don't think that man taught my boy much about respect that day

i'm also glad i love that way.

i'm not perfect in the way i love the people in my life. i've watched relationships fall to the side due to simple neglect on my part. i can leave others feeling devalued and unheard. i can be so wrapped up in "me" that i don't look others in the eye when they're talking to me... you know that half-hearted "i'm here but i'm not engaged in what you're sharing and that's why my eyes are sort of glazed over" kind of conversation.

however, in my better moments, i know there are people i'd take a bullet for in a heartbeat. relationships that stir a deep passion in me.

love can be a fierce thing.