pumpkins

a story from several years ago has kept popping up in my head this past week.

when marcy was 4 and matt and mallory were 3, we were all hanging out in the kitchen in our little house in boonville. the kiddos were at the table doing some type of art project and the following conversation occurred....

marcy : mommy, when i grow up i'm going to be a mommy just like you!

me: oh marcy, you are so loving and have a big heart for babies. you will be a great mommy someday.

mallory: mommy, when i grow up i'm going to be a doctor!

me : you'll be a great doctor, mally. you have such a compassionate and tender heart towards people who are hurting.

matt : mommy, when i grow up i'm going to be a pumpkin.

extended silence

me : what? a pumpkin? why a pumpkin? what does a pumpkin do?

matt : just shrugs his shoulders

when jeff got home from work that night, i told him what had happened. he looked at me and said, "what's a pumpkin do?" i said, "it's code. code for being 35 with no job and living at home off of us. that's what a pumpkin is! and we need to nip this right now."

well, my son's aspirations have grown to other things at different stages in his life... a baseball player, a missionary, a teacher. i'm glad his vision is growing as he slips from childhood to manhood.

have been thinking about ways i have just settled for being a "pumpkin". maybe too scared to try something new and fail. maybe a lack of vision to see God's bigger plan for my life. maybe not executing with passion the tasks that lay before me in my day simply because they just seem so common.

i've read a whole lot of self-help and self-improvement books in my day. sometimes it all seems so overwhelming and daunting trying to become the person i'm not yet.

i am finding more freedom in being surrendered than self improved. surrendered to the One who really gets me and understands my "pumpkin" moments better than even i do.